The Death of Communication
by xglittergigglesx
Summary: "Deary me, you once again seem to have mixed me up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - A series of emails, texts and phonecalls between the members of SPR.  MaiNaru/FakeMaiYasuhara
1. Chapter 1

**The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin, and is a series of emails, texts and phonecalls between the core members of SPR staff.**

_Title _: The Death of Communication

_Summary_ : "Deary me, you once again seem to have mixed me up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as awesome as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

_Cast List_ :

HarunoRin ; Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori.  
Giggles ; Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya.  
**More will be added as the story progresses!**

* * *

From: TaniyamaM

To: YasuharaO

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

Subject: To Yasu-kun

Dear Santa-  
This Christmas I was gonna ask for mistletoe but then Naru told me it grew from bird crap. Please either change this now, or make tinsel the new kissing thing.  
Love Mai xxx

* * *

From: YasuharaO

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: TaniamyaM

Subject: Mai-chan, take your meds.

Dear Mai,

Deary me, you once again seem to have mixed me up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny.  
Anyway, shouldn't you be paying attention to you're classes? Naru will not be pleased if you get another C in a history test, especially since he's actually tutoring you now.

Psychology is rather interesting today. Did you know, according to Freud, girls have penis envy? Rest assured though Mai, if you are feeling envious, you can always have a quick hold of mine! Or maybe even Naru's. I'm sure he'll let you.

Love, kisses and chocolate sprinkles,  
Yasuhara.

* * *

From: TaniyamaM

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: YasuharaO

Subject: PENIS ENVY?

Yasu,  
Well it wouldn't happen half as much if you'd get your darling Bou-san to stop changing the names of everyone in my contacts. I texted Naru a picture of the cute nightie I wanted to ask Keiko's opinion on, and he hasn't spoken to me for three days!  
Calm down, this class is fine. I rule at History \(*o*)/ my teacher says a C is good.  
Puh-lease, I'd never be jealous of your penis. I hear it's about as impressive as Naru's tea-making. And I won't even go near your other comment, not even sure Naru has a penis.  
Isn't your degree Engineering?  
Love Mai xxx

* * *

From: YasuharaO

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: TaniyamaM

Subject: How come I didn't get a picture of your nightie?

Mai-chan,

Ah, Bou-san is a fair and free hearted spirit. To try to stifle his creativity is punishable by death in my eyes! Also, Naru-kun is probably just trying to make sure he doesn't get a nose bleed around you. Was the nightie a little silky number? ;)

Mai...C is not that good a grade sweetheart. Your teacher is obviously on crack. Time to find a good rehab clinic for her.

Also, my penis is fantastic! I've never had any complaints ;)  
And your right about Naru probably not having one...after all, god probably didn't want Satan to reproduce after the whole Damian thing. It's logical really.

Love and cupcakes,  
Yasuhara X

P.S Engineering...oh yeah. I was wondering why my teacher was suddenly female. I just thought it was a lifestyle choice.

* * *

From: TaniyamaM

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: YasuharaO

Subject: Because as much as you act like one, you're not my gbf.

Yasu,

Never... EVER attach a picture of your novelty G-strings to messages again! I actually screamed and had to pretend I'd seen a spider! Sensei is not impressed.

Nightie not silky, just kinda custom made with Naru's name in a big pink heart...

Aw man, you serious? I was kinda hoping to come to your university :D that a no-go?

Your penis hasn't had complaints because the last person to see it was your doctor (or Bou-san when he saw you showering and ran away screaming) but can we please move on? All this penis talk is making me giggle and if anyone catches me using class research time to email you I'll get in trouble! .' and then you'll have to cover for me at work cause I have detention! TT_TT

Got any real cupcakes? I'm staaaaaaaaaaaaarving!

Love Mai xxx

* * *

From: YasuharaO

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: TaniyamaM

Subject : I'm insulted now. You're MY gbf.

Mai-chan,  
So you didn't like the crockadile thong I bought? Aw shucks I bough it to wear for you! Would you prefer a snake?

Also, regarding your nightie...your really crossing into stalker territory now Mai-chan. If I catch you looking for his used Kleenex, I'm staging an intervention.

Mai, as much as I love you - deeply and eternally, with the fire of 10,000 red hot burning suns - no, you probably couldn't come here. I barely made it here. Although feel free to stay in my dorm room for a few nights ;)

And actually Rukia from down the hall had no complaints last friday. Booyah. But OK no more penis talk for now Mai-chan. Sadly, nope no cupcakes. I'll pick some up on the way to the office today though.

Love and sparkles, Yasuhara Xxx

* * *

From: TaniyamaM

Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2010

To: YasuharaO

Subject: That's because I'm a GIRL. You're my mbf - male best friend dorkus.

Yasu,

I like raccoons? but don't let them near your balls, I hear they can be vicious! .

I'm not a stalker! I'm an enthusiastic lover! totally different! (-.-)' maybe I'll just hide under a rock until Naru gets amnesia... that happens in real life right? Just like miracles and christmas wishes... Speaking of Christmas! I'm having a party on Christmas eve, you in? At the SPR offices, starting at 8, BYOB! NO MISTLETOE!

I might come over at some point to visit, but you know I'm saving myself for the sexy, dickless Naru. Who doesn't like parties or chocolate. WHAT CAN i GET HIM FOR CHRISTMAS? A nightie with my face on it?

Make the cupcakes those from that shop we went to last weekend, those were amazing :3

Class is almost over, will text you later!

Mai xxx xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox xxx

* * *

**An that's the first chapter! Yes, it's short, we know, but there will be more! Me and my soul mate (HarunoRin) have up to chapter 5 planned and up to chapter 3 written!**

**Hope you enjoy! And review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin, and is a series of emails, texts and phonecalls between the core members of SPR staff.**

_Title _: The Death of Communication

_Summary_ : "Deary me, you once again seem to have mixed me up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as awesome as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

_Cast List_ :

HarunoRin Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori.  
Giggles ; Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya.  
**More will be added as the story progresses!**

Mai's Texts - **Bold**

Yasuhara's Texts - _Italics_

**

* * *

**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ What flavor of cupcakes do you want, oh light of my life? Chocolate, Strawberry or Vanilla? Or do you just want a mix of all three? Yasuhara Xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun **

**Vanilla with strawberry frosting and chocolate sprinkles! (^_^) and get some for naru and lin? They're traumatised that I put tinsel up... Everywhere.**  
**Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ OK! Got your cupcakes! They even had green tea flavored ones for Naru and lemon ones for Lin - no matter what he says, we all know Lin loves lemon iced tea. Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** I just told Lin, he didn't glare at me! Got a grunt, in a "I'm a cuddle-bear and don't want to show it" kinda way :3 Naru 's bugging me for tea again, I guess he got over my nightie after Masako came in with a photoshopped picture of her and Naru kissing as his Christmas present. It's now in Lin's office and I swear I heard him telling Madoka about it over skype :D See you soon! I'm hungry already! xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ Can you tell Naru I might be late? The train's stopped moving for some reason. Another jumper I think. As insensative as it sounds, you just know we'll end up solving the case of his ghost or something. Anyway, I have all the cupcakes and also your finished English homework - I have no clue how you managed to convince me to do it for you. Oh wait, I do. You owe me a kiss ;) Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun **

**Okayyyy I don't THINK he's mad... too mad. He must really want that cupcake... and omg you flirt o(~.^)o poor Rukia-chan from down the hall... thank youuuuuu! *kiss* take the jumper's details, it helps to have the background research already- saves time :) xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ Turns out it wasn't a jumper. Some idiot had left his car parked across the tracks and we had to wait for it to be towed. And I don't want a text kiss, dearest Mai ;) Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun **

**Eh, that's good I guess. Man, business is slow TT_TT Oh, and when you get here PLEASE harass Masako. She's all over Naru and it sucks. THEN you get your kiss :3 Also... Madoka just showed up and she's locked her and Lin in his office... Do we call the police? I asked Naru and he just smirked.**  
**Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ I don't know why you're worried about her. It's pretty obvious he's already in love with you - woe is me. And Masako is no competition. You can tell by the way he talks to you and then the way he talks to the rest of us. Example Masako : Naru, do you want to go out to-_  
_Naru : WHY DO YOU INSIST ON TALKING TO ME WOMAN!_

_Me : Hey Naru, do you want a slice of pizza?_  
_Naru : HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I NEED NOURISHMENT! ROAAAAR!_

_You : *spills hot tea all over him* Sorry Naru-_  
_Naru : Tch. Annoying._

_It's love. Yasuhara xxx P.S Wow, this is a long text._

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** Very impressive length there Yasu-kun! and thank you :3 eh, but how do I show him I like him? and are you SURE he likes me back? (sorry about the whining) got past the lazy car parking yet? Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ Not really sure...we could try making him jealous enough to profess the urge he has to take you on his desk? That may actually work! And the trains finally started moving! Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** Not sure Naru gets jealous... fairly sure he has the emotional capacity of an ice cube (you know they have those little dents but if you try to fill them it all falls out?) and take me where on his desk? There's nowhere to go!**  
**HOORAY I'll see you soon! Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ Darling, Naru is, in actual fact, a guy. I think. I do have a theory he was made by the government with no hormones in order to create the perfect weapon, but this theory has yet to be proved - or disproved! Coincidence? I think not! Anyway, if he is indeed a red blooded male, of course he'll get jealous. I am telling you, this plan will work! Also...you're so cute Mai-chan! By 'take you on his desk' I meant screw you senseless. Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** I KNOW he's a guy! I have noticed this when his manly chest is near me (exactly at eye level, not my fault) and when he looks at me with those amazing eyes...**  
**Yasu-kun, you're so crude. Naru doesn't screw, how dare you! Naru would... make love :3 So this jealousy thing... what's the plan exactly?**  
**Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan _

_Naru...making love...being romantic...DOES NOT COMPUTE! Don't say things like that Mai! I laughed out loud so much people moved away to the other side of the train! They think I'm crazy! Anyway! The guy would need to be in on the plan so you don't break his heart when you dump him, know Naru so they don't freak out when they meet him and be believable...the choices are John, Bou-san and me. I volunteer myself. Its most believable. Plus that way only us will know, meaning the idiot brigade - aka the others - don't mess it up. Yasuhara Xxx_

S**END SMS TO : Yasu-kun **

**Don't laugh! You just KNOW that he's mushy and gooey inside, like... a half melted minstrel? and you ARE crazy, they're right to keep away from you . you want me to fake a relationship? How do I fake being a girlfriend when I've never been a REAL girlfriend? Bou-san's too old and John's celibate, you know that. I suppose you're the only choice. Are you sure it'll work?**  
**... What do you mean we're the most believeable? in what world are we possible? Ew TT^TT Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_ I know we'd never BE a couple - and it makes me cry deep in my heart every day, really! - but since we're close in age, hang out a lot and get on well, people will believe us as a couple - especially the idiot brigade. We flirt enough already too. Within a few weeks, Naru will be yours! It's fool proof! Yasuhara xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** Yasuhara... You are a genius. We announce it when you get here? Can't wait sex muffin (^o^)~3 woohoo! foolproof plan!**  
**Mai xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan _

_No...its better to not announce it. Just act like everyone should already know. I'm warning you. Though...we may have to do a little PDA. Yasuhara Xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

** Um... ok then :3 if you're sure it'll work :) Thank you!**  
**Mai xxx**

**

* * *

**

Well, that's Chapter Two up! It's a bit short, we know, but it's all about content, not quantity. Plus, the shorter the chapter, the faster we can move onto the next chapter. It all works out in the end!

Lots of Love : Giggles and HarunoRin!

P.S Please review! Or else we shall eat your soul, which although I bet it's very tasty, probably wouldn't do much good for you.


	3. Chapter 3

The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin, and is a series of emails, texts and phone calls between the core members of SPR staff.

**Title **: The Death of Communication

**Summary** : "Deary me, you once again seem to have mixed me up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as awesome as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

**Cast List** :

_HarunoRin_ ; Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori.

_Giggles_ ; Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya.

More will be added as the story progresses!

* * *

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject.)

Lin.

Do you know why Yasuhara-san is sitting on Mai's desk playing with her hair whilst they discuss dinner plans for tonight?

Kazuya.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru.

They're very good friends, I've seen them out eating together several times. Calm down.

Lin.

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject.)

Lin.

He just called her 'Honey' and is holding her hand. Correct me if I'm wrong but friends don't generally do that. That's sexual harrasment, I'm sure.

Kazuya

P.S Tell Madoka to stop giggling.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru.

Is Mai looking at all offended or irritated by Yasuhara's actions? If so then by all means throw a filing cabinet at his head. Perhaps they've finally taken the next step in their relationship, I did tell you that if you dithered around long enough the oppurtunity would pass you by.

Lin.

P.S Stop Madoka from giggling? I don't know what you're talking about. Madoka is not in my office and she's certainly not sat on my desk.

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject.)

Lin.

You know Mai's too polite to show that she's uncomfortable. He's touching her hair. That has to be sexual assault, doesn't it?

And what opportunity? I'm simply worried about my employee being harassed by that four eyed idiot.

Kazuya

P.S Well, if she's not there, you have a VERY feminine giggle.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru.

On the contrary, it's very easy to tell when Mai's upset, but since she's normally upset whenever you're around I suppose it's more difficult for you to see. What I mean is that perhaps Taniyama-san and Yasuhara-san are now romantically involved? She's a very pretty girl, something most normal teenage boys notice.

Lin.

P.S I don't giggle. You're imagining things. Oh look, I think Osamu-kun just whispered in her ear and she giggled. Was that what you heard?

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject.)

Lin.

I do not always make her upset.

And don't be stupid. Mai would never go out with that idiot. She's in love with me remember?

He whispered in her ear!

Kazuya.

P.S I can recognise Mai's giggle in my sleep. And that giggles wasn't hers.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

NOLL!

Don't be so mean! poor Mai-chan has had a rough time dealing with you, let her have her fling while you sort your emotional...ness out ^_^ They're cute together don't you think? I can't see you cuddling in public!

Madoka

P.S in your SLEEP?

P.P.S Lin's gone to make tea :3

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Madoka

I knew you were there. And also, no. She shouldn't be having a fling with anyone. She's in love with me like I said and will stay that way. Not that I care or anything.

And I wouldn't even want to cuddle her in private! Let alone public.

Kazuya

P.S Yes in my sleep. Is that odd? I mean I've been woken up enough by her giggling on cases. Although being woken up by her screams of terror is more common sadly.

P.P.S Tell Lin that's what Mai is there for.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru,

Not that you care... that's how you know her giggle (and screams) so well, and why you're so possessive of her? If you're not interested then let Yasuhara have her, they're well suited, and it will annoy Takigawa-san endlessly.

Lin

P.S Mai's busy, so I made my own tea

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15 Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject)

Lin.

You know her screams just as well as me Lin. And I know her giggle because Ayako cackles and Masako titters annoyingly and Madoka screeches like a banshee. I'm a genius remember. It's only logical I remember things about people I am in contact with for long periods of time. And I'm not possessive. I'm just annoyed because with a boyfriend she'll become even more useless. And she's already slacking. I called for tea 5 minutes ago and she's not moved.

Kazuya

P.S Busy being sexually assaulted. Anyway, it's her JOB. You didn't think I hired her for her filing skills do you?

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru,

You're impossible. I don't really know why you hired her; she didn't make tea once on the first case. Don't you have work to do as well? So do I, and your responses are irritatingly quick to arrive. Are you... are you actually spying on your assistant?

Do you want me to email Luella? I'll do it Noll, I swear I will. Get your head out of your arse and do your work as well.

Lin

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15 Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject)

Lin.

Don't be stupid. I'm not SPYING on her. I'm observing how people of average intellegence interact in the work place. It's all for research.

And I'm doing my work at the same time. I can multi-task unlike you.

Kazuya.

P.S Contact my mother and they'll never find your body.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

NOLL!

Do not take that tone or I'll come out of this kinky sexy cage in Lin's office and make a fuss of how cute Yasuhara and Mai-chan are being! I'll even PAY for them to spend the night in a love hotel... No threatening Koujo-kun.

Madokaaa xxxxxxXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxx

From: ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date :15 Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject.)

...

Kinky...sexy...cage? Congratulations Madoka. After years of being attacked by ghosts, monsters and demi-gods, YOU'RE the thing that emotionally scars me for life. I didn't think it could get any worse than when you made me watch an R rated romance film when I was 11.

Now go away and let Lin back on the computer. He has work to do. Also, I believe I'm emailing HIM, not you. Devil Woman.

Kazuya.

P.S. What the hell is with all those 'Xxxx's?

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru,

the xxxx's are Madoka's way of showing affection in texts, emails, and letters. They signify kisses. As a side note, if I have work to do then why are you emailing me at all?

Your parents have emailed me. They want to know if you'll be back for your birthday next week and if you'll be bringing any 'friends'. I did try telling them that you didn't have 'friends' you had 'colleagues' but that made Luella cry when I said so over the phone. Maybe you want to take Mai?

Lin.

P.S. Sorry, Madoka's coming out to see Mai. With a camera.

From : ShibuyaK

To : KoujoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No subject)

Lin,

Well, tell her to stop. It's annoying and unprofessional. And I do not want any of her 'kisses'.

Tell them I've already booked the tickets. And I'll discuss with the group a trip to England. It'd probably save my eardrums from the never ending wailing that is my mother if I bring people with me. And she may stop trying to take me out shopping. I hate shopping.

Naru.

P.S : Why is she going out to see Mai? And why does she have a camera!

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru,

How impressive, you booked the tickets without a prompt? Are you going soft in your old age? As for shopping, won't it be that much harder to refuse the combined efforts of Luella, Madoka and Mai? I'll email her shortly.

Lin.

P.S. how should I know? something about getting a framed picture of the first SPR lovelove couple.

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Lin,

Oh very funny Lin. I just couldn't be bothered with my mothers incessant 4am phone calls and whining. And to your comment about shopping, my mother and evil-she-devil-formally-known-as-Madoka can take Mai shopping instead of me. It's the perfect plan.

Naru.

P.S ; They ARE NOT a couple. Stop being so idiotic.

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Naru,

When is the flight? You do realize that booking the tickets without consulting anybody is terribly rude. Mai's going to be furious, and that's hardly the emotion you're wanting to elicit in the girl in these early stages. Are we leaving soon? Mai has a party planned next week.

Lin.

P.S. Think again, Yasuhara just kissed Mai.

From : ShibuyaK

To : KojoL

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

Lin,

The flight's booked for the 23rd. We'll arrive on the 24th, have one day for jetlag and then be able to celebrate Christmas day with the never ending sitcom that are my parents. And I'll say it's for a case. And in the early stages? What early stages?

Mai has a party?

Kazuya.

P.S WHAT?

From : KojoL

To : ShibuyaK

Date : 15th Dec 2010

Subject : (No Subject)

NARU!

Never, ever use PK in the office again! Yasuhara's got a black eye! And you look like you're about to collapse, even if you are wearing one of your more smug smirks... It's impossible that rubber actually just fell onto his face, who are you trying to fool? (Even if Mai seems to be buying it.)

Mai did have a party booked for Christmas eve, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. Madoka says she'll have to talk to you when we get home.

Ha.

Lin.

* * *

**Note from Giggles : **Please forgive the epic fail that is the spacing in this chapter. Seriously, don't blame us! Blame fanfictions weird uploader thing. This is actually my personal favourite of the chapters uploaded so far - I have to admit, I LOVE writing as Naru.

Also let it be known that HarunoRin is coming to visit me this weekend, on the 25th! It shall be a weekend of hard partying, so don't expect any updates, but we'll probably have epic chats about the story so we'll be coming up with new ideas!

Don't forget to review.


	4. Chapter 4

The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin. It is a series of emails, texts, phone calls and notes between the core members of the SPR staff.

**Title** : The Death of Communication

**Summary **: "Deary me, you once again seem to have me mixed up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as epic as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

**Cast List : **

_HarunoRin : _Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori.

_Giggles : _Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya

* * *

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_I have a black eye. Does it make me look tough? We still on for our date tonight snugglebunny? And what did Naru-The-Magnificent want to talk to you about before I left?_  
_xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**How on earth did you get a black eye? What date? I thought it was just a ruse to make Naru think we were dating? Naru just told me not to be annoying. He didn't say anything else :(**  
**xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_Remember the rubber? Yeah, it gave me a black eye. Which means the plans working - although it's more painful than I expected. And it's not an actual date Mai-chan. It's just meeting up for something to eat. If I have to have instant ramen one more time, I'll kill myself. Then haunt SPR. I'm not even joking._  
_xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**Ohhhh, wasn't it weird that that rubber just flew up from nowhere? I didn't even know there was a rubber on the lampshade, but where else could it have come from? What do you mean the plan is working? Yasu? Naru just asked where I was going, and I told him I had a date and now he's following at a distance...**  
**xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_...Really? You think it just fell off a lampshade? Mai...Naru has PK. He's able to move things with his mind. And the rubber was right next to your hand. He hit me with it. And he's following? Well, that's a sure sign he's jealous. He's spying on you! This is hilarious. I'm at the cafe now, how long will you be? Should I just order a few onigiri and two miso soups, like usual for when you get here? xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**I know Naru has PK... but I don't see the connection. Why would he hit you with it? Yeah he's following. It's weird actually... he's dressed in a big black hoodie so I can't see his face. Scary~! . I'll be abut ten minutes, gonna get the underground train. Aww Yasuuuuuuu-kuuuuuun you know me so well! ^.^ xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_He hit me with it just after I kissed you. Coincidence? I think not young lady! That was pure, undiluted rage right there. And it HURT. And he's in a hoodie? As in...clothing stereotypical and NORMAL for his age group? Mai...sorry to tell you, but I think we've broken Naru. xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**Haha ooh maybe you're right then... Yeah I know, I'm freaked out too, but it's definitely him. No normal hoodie-wearer walks like he has a stick rammed up his ass the way Naru does. What do you mean we broke Naru? How can he fall in love with me if we've broken him? Also, just got a text from Madoka, apparently Naru's shipping us ALL off to England on the 23rd December. My party can't happen! That jerk! TT^TT xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_Don't worry, with a little TLC you can fix him ;) And don't worry. We can have the party on the 21st or 22nd. We can discuss it over dinner. And we're all going to England? Wow! I've never been before, it'll be fun. Plus, they celebrate Christmas MUCH bigger than across here. I'll even take you to sit on Santas lap! xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**But there's so much planning to do! I haven't even finished buying everyone presents :( I'd be excited any other time but I was looking forward to the perfect party! And... seriously? The real Santa? *o* xxx**

_SEND SMS TO : Mai-chan_

_Don't worry, I'll help. Besides, I need to get the last of my presents as well! And uh...yeah, I'll see if I can get you an appointment with the real Santa I suppose. How long will you be? xxx_

**SEND SMS TO : Yasu-kun**

**Just outside now, yay! Santa! 3 xxx**

* * *

_Mai-chan...Naru's sitting two tables away. Does he really think he's being subtle?_

**Why are you writing to me on a napkin? I think he looks good in teenager clothes... (^_^)**

_Because he can hear everything we're saying. We need to keep talking like a normal couple, whilst writing. And he looks odd in teenager clothes. Does he honestly think we don't notice him? Oh hey...the waitress just totally tried to flirt with him. But he's only got eyes for you it seems ;)_

**Ohhhhh :O How dare she? Naru is MINE! TT_TT why won't you let me slap her?**  
**Hehe he just looked at me. :3**

_Don't be silly Mai-chan. If you slap her, Naru will know we know he's here! Plus, he just brushed her off with his trademark 'Masako-Glare', also known as 'Get away from bitch before I pimpslap you with my awesomeness' so don't worry! Want me to feed you? I'm sure that'll get him riled up ;)_

**Suits me!**  
**Ooh you didn't need to lick some rice off my chin! I think naru's glass just broke!**

_Haha but the look on his face was SO worth it. Plus, I like licking you ;) And the rice tasted good! :) Anyway, how's he reacting to me feeding you?_

**Um. Not well... he got his phone out...**

* * *

******Authors Note** : OK so it's a rather small and slow chapter, but it's a set up to a much longer - and more confusing - chapter that's on it's way! Thanks for all the reviews and nice words about Haruno coming up to visit me. We came up with quite a few...amusing drunken ideas, that will definitely be in the story (Yasuhara serenading Mai with rather...unusual song choices, John's emails to god and lots more funny goodness!)

**Please review! It makes us want to throw glitter in the air! :D **


	5. Chapter 5

The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin. It is a series of emails, texts, phone calls and notes between the core members of the SPR staff.

**Title** : The Death of Communication

**Summary **: "Deary me, you once again seem to have me mixed up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as epic as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

**Cast List :**

_HarunoRin_ : Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori.

_Giggles_ : Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin

He just licked her. Doesn't he know how unsanitary that is? She could catch something off him. Plus, he's FEEDING HER! And he's practically shoving the onigiri down her throat!

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

What? Naru, where are you? I thought you went out to make a call.

* * *

_Hahahaha probably whining to Lin over texts! The plan is working exellently!_

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin

I got hungry and ended up at a cafe, you know, the one Mai likes. Her and the Walking Sexual Harrasment Lawsuit are here as well. And they're holding hands over the table.

* * *

**No way Yasu... Naru doesn't whine OR text. He's probably doing research...**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

The cafe that Mai likes? You mean Cat's Eye? The one that's a thirty minute walk from the office? ... Hungry, right...

* * *

_He's grinding his teeth and typing on his blackberry at around 300 words per minute. He just made that small child burst into tears with his dangerous aura of doom. Believe me he's whining to Lin._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin

They have good miso soup. That's the only reason I'm here.  
Why is she even with that idiot? She could do so much better.

* * *

**Oh yeah... Maybe... He couldn't actually be jealous could he? Oh my gosh, no way! :O**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

You don't like Miso soup! Get back here or I'm telling Madoka your location. Define "better" Naru. Is it Takigawa? John? Not you, you're her boss and it's called sexual harrassment.

* * *

_He's TOTALLY jealous. This is hilarious. Internally, I am totally rolling around in hysterics_.

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin

I like the miso soup from here. It's...tasty. And there's no point in telling Madoka. I'll be leaving soon. And by 'better' I meant she should join a convent. She'd get good education and a free uniform.

* * *

**Wow... he really doesn't like the soup does he? Look at the faces he's pulling. I didn't know Naru could pull faces... at all.**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru-cakes

! DO NOT STALK THE FIRST REAL COUPLE SPR HAS SPAWNED! We've NEVER spawned a couple before! Never! It's so exciting! I spoke to Luella and she agrees that we can give them a shared bedroom when they get to England! How exciting! I know you're experiencing your first love and that too is very exciting but first loves never work out so STOP STALKING THE CUTIE PIES!  
Love you, Madoka mwah xxxxxxxx

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

Ha.

* * *

_Seems so. It's amusing to watch. I have my phone out under the table and I'm taking pictures of each one. Hey look! He just choked whilst reading a text. Wonder what it said?_

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Devil Woman

Firstly, SPR spawned you and Lin. You're nauseating to be around, really. It's sickening. Secondly...LIKE HELL WILL THEY SHARE A ROOM. I refuse to have my employees sharing a bedroom. Thirdly I'm not experiencing any 'love'. Fourthly, I'm not stalking anyone. I simply wanted miso soup and this is the only place that serves the type I like. P.S Stop giving me 'kisses'. It's disgusting.

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin

Is Madoka going to take little doggy Lin for a walk? Maybe she'll even let you off your leash and give you a belly rub. Won't that be exciting for you. Suck up.

* * *

**He just bent his spoon, and I dont think he used PK...**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru-cakes

What are you talking about? SPR didn't spawn Koujo and I! The hot tub at your house did! And what did you say to Koujo? When I got out his leash and handcuffs he left the room in a sulk! And btw I love your office chair its so easy to recline!  
MWAH I love you, adorable little prodigy child.

* * *

_That'll be the deep seated and highly repressed anger and jealousy finally hitting his emotionally retarded mind. This. Is. Awesome._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Devil Woman

As disturbing as that image is to me, you met through SPR. I didn't say anything to Lin. But if you wrangle him into the leash, please take a picture. It would make wonderful blackmail. And make Mai a fantastic Christmas present, to go with the diamond tennis bracelet I got her. And I don't believe you called me adorable. And little. Mai is adorable and I'm taller than you. Witch.

* * *

**He's so preoccupied right now we could have sex on the table and he wouldn't notice! ... NO that was not an invitation! Yasu-kun! He's looking again! Just footsie! Just footsie!**

**Where do you think your hands are going?**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru-cakes

I have lots of pictures. They're not 'appropriate' for viewing by children though (according to your father). Bless your curious little mind... ;) Oh darling are you even aware that this just keeps coming back to your lovely assistant? Even if she is a little plain looking you got her a diamond? Will Yasu-kun be okay with you proposing to his girlfriend? You. are. so. cute! :3

* * *

_We could have sex? Geez, you sure it wasn't an invite? And OK footsie it is...for now ;) And my hand? Oh its simply innocently touching your leg. Look at him! He's about to explode!_

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Devil Woman

You showed them to my father? Oh dear god.  
Also Mai is NOT plain looking at all. And its not a diamond ring, it's a diamond bracelet. Idiot.

* * *

**Haha I've never seen him this worked up! Normally when he's angry it's that cool sort of quiet anger that just makes you want to die in a corner... This is raaaaaaage!**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru-cakes Are you saying she's ugly? Naru-chan you're so cruel to that girl, no wonder she chose Yasu-kun. Diamonds are diamonds. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, how long did it take you to pick out her present?

* * *

_I know. I'm expecting him to turn green and start roaring 'NARU SMASH! ROAR! IMA EAT CHOOO!' This is pure comic gold. The airs actually black around him. Evil Aura of Doom. You're just lucky I like pissing him off and I'm not scared of him or else this plan would never work._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Devil Woman

What? Ugly? She's the farthest thing from ugly! You're the one who called her plain! I was disagreeing! And it didn't take me long. I saw it in a shop on our last case in Kyoto and bought it. I just thought she'd like it.

* * *

**Omygosh that would be hilarious! Lets see how far we can push him?**

* * *

Send SMS TO : Naru-cakes

But Naru you can't be calling her pretty, your standards are too high! And you're so thoughtful sweetie, what have you got for me? :D xxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

_Move closer so I can wrap my arm around you and whisper in your ear ;) I'm warning you, there may be kissing ;)_

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Devil Woman

I do have high standards but she just so happens to meet them. Please refrain from calling her plain or I'll set Ayako and Takigawa on you. You know how defensive of Mai they are. I'll tell my mother as well. And your getting coal.

* * *

**We've kissed already Yasu-kun, it's fine *sigh* don't do that nibbling thing though, I don't like it TT_TT**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

Aw will Mummy Davis take little doggie Naru for a walk? Let him have the good treats? Don't threaten Madoka with coal Naru, you know how personally she takes those things. She's demanding diamonds off me now. Do you know how much your parents pay me? Not enough for a diamond tennis bracelet.

* * *

_Don't worry Mai. Think of it as practice for when you win Naru! And gotcha. No lip thing, although Rukia loves it. So does Aiko, Chitose, Noriko and Yuuki._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)

If I wanted my own come back, I'd have wiped it off your Mums chin. And she'll get coal from me. Which turns into diamonds at some point. So just get her coal. Economical. Also, the diamond bracelet isn't that big a deal. Its just a bracelet with 10 carot diamonds set in white gold.

* * *

**Man slut. :P**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

Oh Naru, you get more childish by the day, you're not doing that reverse aging thing are you? Madoka says she saw a film about that. Not that... how much did it cost? You realize Yasuhara's present won't live up to yours. This could destroy a new relationship out of sheer jealousy.

* * *

_Well, you love me for it, let's not lie. And I'm giving up my man slutness for you right now, I hope you know. Your breaking a lot of hearts at my university by taking me off the market._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)

Reverse aging? Oh do shut up. I can't remember the price exactly, but around 4 months worth of your wages roughly. And its not my fault. I got it weeks ago. And if he can't measure up to it, then perhaps he's not worth her. She deserves to be spoilt, what with her parents...should I give her a raise?

* * *

**True true, I'm very grateful :) do you think this will work?**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru

Four months? Poor Yasuhara. Are you trying to ruin the poor girl's romantic life? She's not liked anyone other than you before, and look where that got her.  
You gave her a raise last month. She earns as much as I do for less work.

* * *

_I'm positive. He's already jealous enough to give me a black eye using his powers. You should kiss it better. That'd really piss him off._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)  
Its not my fault he'll make a terrible boyfriend and I'd be better. Not that I want that. She just kissed his black eye. Can I kill him?

* * *

**He's twitching! He's twitching! Our table is too... Oh dear... Should I do a Sakura to his Sasuke and hug him in the hope he doesn't kill us?**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru (Emotionally Constipated Idiot)  
Do not kill him! Who says he'd be terrible? I've spoken to his flatmate who says that the girls who leave his room look VERY satisfied. Ha.

* * *

_Oh dear god I'm going to die aren't I? I'm going to die a slow and painful death due to my boss because of my cute co-worker/best friend._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)  
See? He's a womanising pervert. He'll break her heart and then she'll be too depressed to make me black tea. And make you lemon tea. So, you see how it's imperative they break up.

* * *

**Maybe he'll storm out if we make out... I didn't think he'd be so angry O.o are you sure this was a good idea?**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru (Emotionally Constipated Idiot)  
Does she look like she's enjoying it? If so let her be, if he breaks her heart you can swoop in and put it back together yourself, since you're so perfect for her. Are you really going to try to break them up?

* * *

_This is a fantastic idea! It means that he's noticing what he's missing. And he's not happy about it. He's going to try and break us up. And when he does, we'll toy with him for a bit, then let him. It's perfect._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)  
Of course she's not enjoying it! Even if she's smiling, her eyes are practically screaming 'Help Me!' I swear it. And I never said I'm perfect for her. Just far better than that idiotic man whore is. And there's no need for me to break them up. She'll realise her mistake soon enough, I'm sure. Probably when I give her, her present.

* * *

**Ok but if you die...**

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Naru (Emotionally Constipated Idiot)

We'll see shall we? How about a bet?

* * *

_If I die, make sure that you cry at my funeral and claim I was the best sex you've ever had. But so help me, Naru better be your date._

* * *

SEND SMS TO : Lin (The Traitor)

I don't believe in idiotic things like bets. But I can assure you, she will realise he's no good for her soon enough. Without a hint of help from me, I'm sure. I don't need to do anything to break them up.

* * *

KAZUYA SHIBUYA MEMO PAD :

**To Do List** ;  
Send clothes to cleaners.  
Break Mai and Yasuhara up.  
Find 1976 copy of 'Paranormal Activities and Causes ; Volume 6'.  
Find new ways to torture Lin.  
Find a way to rid myself of Madoka forever.  
Find a Christmas Present for Mother.  
Buy Milk.

* * *

Authors Notes : This was, by far, the most confusing chapter to write, especially when it's going back and forth via iphone and blackberry emails. And even worse was the editing of the chapter on fanfictions upload thing. Seriously, wtf is up with that! It totally messed up the spacing!

Anyway, incase you're at all confused here's the jist of it : Bold writing is Mai's notes on the napkin, italics is Yasuhara's. The SMS's (aka Texts) names are : Naru/Naru (Emotionally Constipated Idiot) - To Naru from Lin. Lin/Lin(The Traitor) - To Lin from Naru. Naru-cakes - To Naru from Madoka. Devil Woman - To Madoka from Naru.

As always, PLEASE REVIEW! It makes us happy :D


	6. Chapter 6

The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin. It is a series of emails, texts, phone calls and notes between the core members of the SPR staff.

**Title** : The Death of Communication

**Summary** : "Deary me, you once again seem to have me mixed up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as epic as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

**Cast List** :

HarunoRin : Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori, Houshou Takigawa.

Giggles : Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya, Ayako Matsuzaki.

* * *

To: Ayako  
From: Bou-San  
Is something going on that I don't know about?

To : Bou-san  
From : Ayako  
What do you mean? The fact that Naru was glaring at Yasuhara all the way threw the meeting today? Or the fact that Yasuhara had his arm wrapped around Jou-chan? Also,why are you texting me when you just went across the street to get milk?

To: Ayako  
From: Bou-San  
What? I meant the fact that John is kinda extra peaceful today... What is that boy doing to my Jou-chan?

To : Takigawa  
From : Ayako  
They're dating. Madoka called me about it last night. Naru is not happy at all. Seems like she finally moved on!  
And idiot. Johns always peaceful.

To: Ayako  
From: Bou-san  
They're what? Ayako-chan don't say such weird things. We all know Mai only has eyes for Naru-chan, and since Naru-chan will never take her virtue, my Jou-chan is safe  
:3 DON'T LIE.

To : Bou-san  
From : Ayako  
I'm not lying. If Mai hasn't moved on, then why is Yasuhara nuzzling her neck and whispering in her ear, hm? And why is Naru about to snap his pen in half?

To: The Liar  
From Bou-san  
He does that to me too! It doesn't mean anything, especially not that Yasuhara and I are together. Same applies to him and Jou-chan! Naru's always angry, it's just  
that today he is... really mad.

To : The Naïve Idiot  
From : Ayako  
Don't be stupid. They're together. Madoka told me over the phone last night. Get out of denial. Just because you're too old for her - pedophile - doesn't mean she  
can't date someone else. I think they're cute together!

To: The Liar-witch  
From: Bou-san  
No. No I don't believe you... but I'm on my way now! RUNNING! (iamnotapedophileyouhag)

To : Idiotic Pedophile  
From : Ayako  
Then your a fool. Your 'Jou-chan' is giggling and whispering back - whilst kissing his neck lightly. Suck it up and be a man. She's dating him.

To: The Liar-witch-Judas  
From: Bou-san  
I'm almost there, you can't trick... what the hell? NO!  
To : Pedophile-With-His-Dreams-Smashed  
From : Ayako  
I told you. Besides, now is not the time to get all protective (and jealous). Naru's already doing a good job of it. Look...his pen just broke and covered his hand in  
ink. Got a camera to get a picture of him?

To: Gobby Cow  
From: Bou-san  
Filming it now. I think that-Bastard-that-took-Mai's-virginity is laughing at him. Jerk.

To : Creepy-Bad-Bassist  
From : Ayako  
I don't think he's taken Mai's virginity idiot. If she was even thinking about it, she'd come talk to me. She's already promised that. Besides, even if she had lost  
it, there are worse people she could loose it too. Supposedly Yasuhara's got skills.

To: Delusional and deaf old woman  
From: Bou-san  
WHAT? She's discussed it with YOU? Why not me? I'm her big brother! Also, she's far too young to be discussing these things! How the hell do you know he has skills?  
Evil Cougar!

To : In-denial-and-lame-old-man  
From : Ayako  
Girls talk to other girls about this stuff. Plus, she knew you'd go crazy at her. But don't worry. She told me she won't have sex until she's with someone she truly  
loves and is at least 20.  
And please. I've heard stories from Madoka, who heard from Lin who got told by his room mate at his dorms.

To: Secret-keeping-betrayer  
From: Bou-san  
Lin's in on this? Am I the last to know everything?

To : Whiner  
From : Ayako  
Calm down idiot. I only found out last night and all this only happened yesterday. And I don't think John or Masako know...oh I hope I'm there when Masako notices how  
jealous Naru is!

To: Medusa  
From: Bou-san  
Oh my gosh, you're a genius! I'll get Lin to set up a camera in Naru's office, she'll go straight to him when she finds out her competition is gone!

To : D.I.N.O.S.A.U.R  
From : Ayako  
We have to do it. Isn't Masako coming in today? Speak to Lin now! Right now! Do it!

To: U.G.L.Y  
From: Bou-san  
He's agreed!

* * *

**Authors Note :** OK so I am SUPER sorry it took so long to update. Like, seriously. And all the blame is on me - Giggles, of course - not HarunoRin, because it was my stupid laptops fault (and my own idiocy for not backing up all my files). Basically, the jist of it is, my laptop got the blue screen of death and wouldn't work. I couldn't recover any of my files at all, no Death of Communication OR the like, 8 chapters of Kohona Vs. It's Children I had already written (different anime though, so I won't get into that.)

I am SERIOUSLY super sorry about it. I luckily still had everything on my emails - the way me and HarunoRin wrote this whole thing out - but I had to sift threw a lot of crap, re-format and then correct stupid codes or whatever, so it took a while. Plus, I was just being lazy.

Anyway! Next chapter is Ayako and Lin on Skype. Should be amusing!

P.S : Did anyone spot my reference to my favourite singer? If you did, let me know :P


	7. Chapter 7

_Procrastination? Moi? Inability to ever upload something even if it's been ready for months? _

_OK...so me and RinnyRinRin are like...totally sorry. We know, we know. It's been AGES. Believe me, we know. But we do have lives - well, I do. I'm fairly sure HarunoRin just pines over me because, lets face it ; who wouldn't? - but here it is! The much awaited chapter seven!_

The following story is a collab between myself and HarunoRin. It is a series of emails, texts, phone calls and notes between the core members of the SPR staff.

**Title** : The Death of Communication

**Summary** : "Deary me, you once again seem to have me mixed up with a fictional holiday character. Last time it was the Easter Bunny." - The awesome correspondence of awesomeness that's almost, but not quite as epic as an 'I Love Naru' nighty.

**Cast List** :

HarunoRin : Mai Taniyama, Lin Kojo, Madoka Mori, Houshou Takigawa.

Giggles : Osamu Yasuhara, Kazuya Shibuya, Ayako Matsuzaki.

* * *

Koujo_Lin: Video feed is live, I set it up when taking Naru his tea. I told him Mai was busy and he spilled his tea. Send Mai in to clean it up.

Ayako_M: When's Masako due in today for her weekly stalk? And he needs to figure out a way to show his attraction in a way that's not the same as a 8 year old. And Mai is on her way in!

Koujo_Lin: According to the schedule she should be here soon, and I expect her to bring John-san with a case-like project to attract Naru's attention. Mai has entered the room, and Naru is... scooting his chair away from her.

Ayako_M: He's seriously scooting away from her? Does he think she has cooties or something? Oh hang on...he probably just wants to make sure his 20 years worth of repressed hormones don't make a break for the surface and make him deflower little Mai on his desk right now.

Koujo-Lin: From the way his hands are positioned and the way he's looking at her cleaning up, that is correct. She's talking to him, but I don't have audio. He's answering with monosyllabic answers... this is more serious than I thought.

Ayako_M: This is more hilarious that I thought. I mean, really. I never thought he could be THIS sexually repressed and emotionally retarded. Mai finally moves on from him and gets a boyfriend and it's only now he realises his feelings for her.

Koujo_Lin: On Madoka's request, I am recording it for repeated viewing. Mai has noticed Naru's behaviour and is checking his temperature. He is shaking a little.  
Koujo_Lin: And he just pushed her away.

Ayako_M: He pushed her away? Poor Mai! She'll be spiralling in self-hatred now, thinking that he thinks she's disgusting and doesn't want her near him, when it's the complete opposite!

Koujo_Lin: Yep, she just yelled at him, picked up his teacup and left the office. Heading your way. Naru is staring at the door... I'm mildly concerned that the boy is slipping into a coma. I'll call Martin and give him warning, because I refuse to give him sponge baths if he's a vegetable.

Ayako_M : I best get ready to give her comfort-...hang on. Too late. Yasuhara is already wrapping an arm around her shoulders and whispering sweet nothings into her ear...and she's already looking much, much brighter. Maybe the evil genius is good for her? And don't worry, I'm sure Masako would give him a sponge bath with no complaint.

Koujo_Lin: Yasuhara-san's reassuring her? In whispers? He's not making jokes at Naru's expense loudly and laughing at the fact Naru needed to push Mai away physically, knowing that that means Naru was emotionally and hormonally confused?  
Koujo_Lin: Something's wrong. What else is happening?

Ayako_M: Nothing...they're just...at her desk chatting...calmly...he's playing with her hair and she's leaning into him but that's it. Is Yasuhara broken?...I'm scared Lin. Can I please hide in your office?

Ayako_M: Hold me.

Koujo_Lin: I'll look into it. In the meantime, you should probably know that Naru booked you all tickets to England on the 23rd. That's correct, you need a passport.

Ayako_M:...England? Seriously?...Is this a Christmas present or a case? Either way, THANK YOU EMOTIONALLY RETARDED BOSS! Do you know how long we'll be there?

Ayako_M: Dear god they're snuggling. PLEASE LIN! LET ME HIDE IN YOUR OFFICE BEFORE THEY START TO MAKE OUT!

Koujo_Lin: I think he meant to be cruel. I'm glad you're pleased though. And if you're that scared how is Takigawa-san holding up? He's even worse than you when it comes to being noisy. I'd say you are both welcome in my office but it's simply not true. Mori-san won't let anyone else in. I am only permitted to leave through a cat flap.

Ayako_M: Takigawa's curled up in a ball behind the sofa with his fingers in his ears humming quietly to himself. I think I might have heard him crying not too long ago but it's stopped now.

Ayako_M: And a catflap? Seriously? Is that why you're never out your office? I always pegged you as the dom, not the sub.

Koujo_Lin: I got a text from John, he and Masako will be here shortly. I've not told him of our little problem, I thought I'd leave their reactions as a treat for you. And the dom/sub thing? I did try, believe me.  
Koujo_Lin: Naru's coming out. You'll have to tell me what happens.

Ayako_M: Oh this will be fantastic! I can't wait! Although I feel a little bad for John, as if we're tainting him somehow...and I feel sorry for you. Madoka looks like such a sweet woman.

Ayako_M: He looks like he's about to spontaneously combust with rage. I think he's actually tinted red. His skin I mean. I've never seen it as anything but paper pale. And...oh dear. Here comes Masako and John.

Koujo_Lin: Is Masako on him yet? Oh, the doors opening. He just stormed in... Followed by Masako. Has John noticed Yasuhara and Mai yet?

Ayako_M: Masako literally pounced the second she arrived. Naru side stepped her whilst slowly growing more and more angry. And...nope. John's not noticed. He's just staring out the window, looking all serene. It must be nice to be so carefree.

Ayako_M: What's happening in the office?

Koujo_Lin: Masako's sat herself down at his desk and is talking to him. Naru's got his back to her (and me) with his arms crossed. She's talking... and talking... and talking... and Naru just threw a chair across the room.

Ayako_M: Seriously? A chair? Was it at her or away from her? How's she reacting? I think Mai and Yasuhara dating has driven him insane. Hopefully he won't come out here...Mai jumped onto Yasuhara at the loud noise and is practically in his lap in fright. And he's not exactly pushing her away, if you get my meaning.

Koujo_Lin: Just across the room, horizontal to her. She's quite shocked. I think she just blushed... Maybe Masako... no that's impossible. And Naru is fleeing the room again. Coming your way!

Ayako_M: Maybe she what? Don't leave me hanging here, you masochist!

Ayako_M: Oh dear...he looks like he's about to explode...but in a subtle way...ouch. Yasuhara just 'accidently' fell off Mai's desk and hit his head on the plant pot. And now Naru looks like he's going to faint but is extremely smug looking.

Koujo_Lin: I was only wondering if Masako might be a little excited by Naru's behaviour. She's probably just sick, probably.  
Koujo_Lin: Damn it he's done it again? When will that boy learn? How's Mai reacting?

Ayako_M: Oh dear god...she likes angry men? What the fuck is wrong with us 'Ghost Hunters'. You and Masako are subs, Madoka's a dominatrix, Naru's a hormonally retarded idiot, Yasuhara's supposedly a walking vibrator, Houshou's a pedophile and going threw a mental breakdown, John just stares out the window all day and Mai...well, she's just MAI! Am I the only normal one? Ayako_M: She's freaking out...she doesn't realise it was Naru and is now cooing over him all cutely. And Naru looks like he's going to throw up. Ayako_M: Bou-san's started singing again.

Koujo_Lin: Matsuzaki-san, if you call me a sub again I swear to God I will make sure we only ever take cases where there are no trees (since you can't work without trees). John's staring out of the window again? I suppose to be a priest you do need to be especially spiritual, is he talking to God?  
Koujo_Lin: And you are not normal, Ms Miko. You're a cradle robbing old woman. Control your boyfriend would you? His singing is terrible. Worse than his bass playing.

Ayako_M: Don't even try it Lin. If you do, I'll just get Mai to BEG Naru to take a case to do with trees. And no power outlet for your silly laptop. Submissive freak. And now he's looking at Naru in horror...I think he just did that whole cross thing over his chest whilst muttering a prayer under his breath. Ayako_M: He is NOT my boyfriend. He's a pedophile, as previously stated, and quite possibly in love with Mai. Random question...have YOU ever had dirty thoughts about Mai? I mean, obviously, Naru has/is, Yasuhara well...obviously, he's dating her after all, Bou-san as previously stated and...John's giving her looks with thoughtful and slightly adoring eyes. So if you have, that makes the whole set of SPR males.

Koujo_Lin: I'm not going to argue with you about this. If you want an outlet for your ridiculous temper try Takigawa-san. Perhaps John is sick? I'll try talking to him when I get out of this office. The window might be open.  
Koujo_Lin: Funnily enough I never thought Yasuhara was serious about Taniyama. He made no secret of the fact he was seeing more than one girl at once before, and I thought Bou-san was much the same. As for Naru and John... well I'm still not entirely convinced those two have had any sex education. John is... well. And Naru dropped out of school early on to be taught by the SPR members.

Ayako_M: I don't think he's sick...he looks perfectly healthy. And it came on so suddenly. He's...trying to take Mai away from Yasuhara slyly but neither Yasuhara or Naru seem to agree with this. Ayako_M: He seems pretty serious now...and I agree about John and Naru needing a crash course in sex education. Care to be their teacher? Also, you avoided the subject about dirty thoughts about Mai...this leads me to conclude you HAVE had dirty thoughts about her. I knew it.

Koujo_Lin: How do you mean? Are they having some sort of bizarre tug of war? Those children... the trip to England should do them good. Masako seems somewhat dismayed? And I won't dignify that idea with an answer.

Ayako_M: More like...John's trying to put himself between the pair as a barrier. Yasuhara's rather amused but a bit too quick for John. And I hope so. Although it'll be sad to stop the humour of this situation.  
Ayako_M: Shall I take that as a yes? Dirty old man, she's at least 10 years your junior. You're almost as bad as Bou-san.

Koujo_Lin: Interesting. I never thought John would be the possessive type. How's Naru coping with the competition? He always was a sore loser, I remember I once beat him at chess when he was thirteen and he locked himself in his room with strategy books for a month.  
Koujo_Lin: And don't be ridiculous. She has no breasts.

Ayako_M: Well, how much to we really know John? He doesn't tell us much about himself I suppose, only about work and such...and Naru looks like he's about to throw a hissy fit. I'm pretty sure he would have destroyed the room with his PK by now if it wasn't for the fact he might hurt his precious Mai.

Ayako_M: A month? Seriously? No wonder he's such a looser.  
Ayako_M: And are you kidding? Oh right, I forgot, you didn't come with us to the beach that one time in the summer. Mai was in a bikini. She's at LEAST a B-cup. I know because I had the misfortune of hearing Takigawa and Yasuhara discussing it that night. Look, here's a picture.  
**INITIATE FILE TRANSFER**

**FILE TRANSFER ACCEPTED. LOADING...**  
Koujo_Lin: Are you just running out of people to tell stories about, Matsuzaki-san? Poor Noll. you're not very sympathetic to his situation. He just stormed into the office, I didn't think he'd give up so quickly... oh, it seems that John is trying to perform an exorcism in Naru's office. How strange.  
Koujo_Lin: What's going on? It looks as though John's is herding Naru in. Yasuhara's followed, laughing and Mai... is being told to stand back by John.

**FILE RECIEVED **

Koujo_Lin: Why have you sent me this? Is it photoshopped?

Ayako_M: Of course I'm not sympathetic to that brat. He's demeaned every single one of us multiple times on every case. It's about time he gets some retribution. And seriously...he's performing an exorsisim? In Naru's office...does he think it's haunted or...this is so hilarious. I will be rewatching this footage later, when Madoka lets you out of your room. How's Naru reacting to the hearding?  
Ayako_M: I sent you it to prove that Mai isn't flat chested. And no photoshop was used. It's all natural. See? At LEAST a b-cup.

Koujo_Lin: You are an awful, awful person. I don't know exactly what John's thinking, but I don't really want to interfere, Naru's actually about to smile. I don't think I've seen him so amused since Mai asked for time off work.  
Koujo_Lin: Or since you asked whether you and the others should be entitled to some sort of wage for working here.

Ayako_M: I'm not awful. Well, if I am, then so are you! You're the one filming his exploits for a laugh! Plus, I like to think of it as karma. And he's actually about to smile? I thought that if he ever does smile his jaw muscles will rip apart because of the strain! Ayako_M: I still think we should be getting some sort of payment. We've risked our lives enough.

Koujo_Lin: I am not filming the boy for amusement. All this is simply so that I don't have to spend what little I earn (less than Mai) on christmas presents for the Professor and Luella. No, he won't show me his smile. He's lifted a hand to cover his mouth, very much like Masako does actually. On that note, look at this screenshot. Doesn't he look slightly effeminate?

**INITIATE FILE TRANSFER**

Koujo_Lin: I think he knows that he doesn't need to pay you for that. The only times any of you nearly died it was always Mai's fault, and he knows full well that you'll never blame her or demand compensation in case he adds to her 'debt'.

**FILE TRANSFER ACCEPTED - LOADING...**

Ayako_M: Yes, but they'll end up laughing at it. And of course you make less than Mai. Maybe if you wore short skirts like her, he'd give you a raise? Just a thought.

**FILE RECEIVED**

Ayako_M: Oh dear god he DOES! He looks like a woman almost! This is now going to be my desktop picture. I just showed Bou-san and he's laughing.

Ayako_M: Also...he's a crafty little bugger, isn't he? Using our love for Mai to get out of paying us. Although, to be honest, that time he choked me wasn't Mai's fault at all.

Koujo_Lin: Now, now, lets be fair. It probably was Mai's fault somehow.  
Koujo_Lin: How odd. You might want to send Takigawa into Naru's office, I think some of John's holy water might have touched Naru's new silk shirt. The smile is gone and John looks close to fainting.

Ayako_M: That was the one instance I didn't get hurt by Mai in anyway at all. I've looked at all possibilities and it can't have been Mai's fault.

Ayako_M: It got on the Gucci shirt? Oh god, all hell will break loose! I'll send him in now.

Koujo_Lin: Mai told me she almost walked Naru to his room herself. There you go. And Takigawa just entered, dragged John out by the collar just as things began shaking on the shelves.  
Koujo_Lin: Oh, here's Mai and she's dabbing at his shirt with a (dirty) dischcloth... but it seems to have cheered him up somewhat.

Ayako_M: Still, that didn't make it her fault. I'm also still confused as to why John decided to try and exorcize Naru. But who knows what goes on in that pretty blond head of his.

Ayako_M: Naru must really be in deep if he doesn't mind her using a dirty dishcloth on his new Gucci shirt. Remember when Masako used a two ply tissue instead of four ply to dab a splash of tea off the sleeve of his Dolce and Gabbana shirt and he went mental at her?

Koujo_Lin: I suppose you're right. As for John, well he's not shown any behaviour like this before so Madoka and myself will keep an eye on him. We leave for England soon enough, and I daresay Mai's looking forward to her party, and John should enjoy leading an actual service for once, rather than looking after children with a father-complex.

Koujo_Lin: I'm making a .gif of it as we speak. Luella may well have is as her avatar on her SPR forum account.

Ayako_M: She's ecstatic about her party. I think her and Yasuhara are going shopping tonight for the last minute supplies after work tonight. It's been changed to the 20th, right? Because we're leaving on the 24? I hope Madoka lets you out to come to it.

Ayako_M: I doubt Naru will be happy about that...but who cares. It'll be funny to watch him seethe quietly in anger before finally exploding and trashing whatever room he's in.

Koujo_Lin: I think so. Get Takigawa to stop him from following them, and take the minicam to get a recording as Naru's Christmas present. I've asked her, and she says she'll unlock the door tomorrow morning.

Koujo_Lin: And for goodness' sake don't let John near Naru.

**KOUJO_LIN HAS LEFT THE CONVERSATION**

* * *

_I think everyone should start a 'WE LOVE JOHN!' fanclub. Because like...yeah. He's awesome. I mean, forget Bou-san and Ayako...even Lin! John is the one who's awesome prayers and shizz work best. Everyone else fails and he's like 'Sup Bruh? I'll use my awesome skillz I gots from hangin' with Big G and Baby J. Fo'shizzel.' _

_But yeah. Next chapter you'll find out why John's acting like he is. It was only a matter of time before he suffered a mental break down hanging out with the loons at SPR. _

_So like, review bruh. GIVE LOVE TO THE JOHN BROWN FC. Seriously. _


End file.
